Monday, December 1, 2008
quizzes
http://www.quizilla.com/quizzes/2922973/why-do-people-hate-you-i-got-anime-pics-aamp-truthful-results
Thursday, September 18, 2008
sad
you know what's realy quite sad.
a girl sitting on a bed she used to share attempting to play everybody hurts by REM on an out of tune guita
a girl sitting on a bed she used to share attempting to play everybody hurts by REM on an out of tune guita
Sunday, September 7, 2008
parents with ADHD
my mum is fantastic, i believe she is one of the best mums in the world, i can have mock fights with chopsticks with her, she will try to embarrass me for fun, she really cares about me and she is capable of actually understanding me, well more than most people are at any rate.
but there is one thing that does annoy me (well a few but one that directly relates to the genetic disposition to attention deficit disorder) i rarely feel as though i am being listened to. it doesn't sound like a big deal, but when you want to tell your mum something that feels important and she cuts you off mid sentence to ask you about or tell you about something totally unrelated, you just don't feel very listened to. you feel like what you have to say doesn't matter to anyone else, even though it does, or it would if they could keep their mouth shut long enough to hear what it is. and after a several attempts at an explanation it can get so frustration that attempting is cancelled and we resign to the feeling that our opinions don't matter.
still i cant get mad, its not like i never do it, i know she does understand and care, she just gets side tracked by whats in her mind.
i am not going to take it personally, i am just going to ask her "do you want to know what i was talking about?" after i finish answering her question, (as long as its not totally sidetracking) and try to remember not to cut people off about something unrelated unless its important.
i will try to remember that they want to tell me something and that i should be listening to them not my own thoughts. and when i try to do that i will remember how difficult it is, but try to think of how much it may mean to them and do so anyway.
but there is one thing that does annoy me (well a few but one that directly relates to the genetic disposition to attention deficit disorder) i rarely feel as though i am being listened to. it doesn't sound like a big deal, but when you want to tell your mum something that feels important and she cuts you off mid sentence to ask you about or tell you about something totally unrelated, you just don't feel very listened to. you feel like what you have to say doesn't matter to anyone else, even though it does, or it would if they could keep their mouth shut long enough to hear what it is. and after a several attempts at an explanation it can get so frustration that attempting is cancelled and we resign to the feeling that our opinions don't matter.
still i cant get mad, its not like i never do it, i know she does understand and care, she just gets side tracked by whats in her mind.
i am not going to take it personally, i am just going to ask her "do you want to know what i was talking about?" after i finish answering her question, (as long as its not totally sidetracking) and try to remember not to cut people off about something unrelated unless its important.
i will try to remember that they want to tell me something and that i should be listening to them not my own thoughts. and when i try to do that i will remember how difficult it is, but try to think of how much it may mean to them and do so anyway.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Followers and Leaders
Followers and Leaders:
I am not a follower, I am not religious, I have respect for people who are religious, but I can not attend gathering only because you told me it will be good for me, I can not take peoples word or be part of a crowd, everyone’s doing it means nothing more than a trend to make money from to me.
I am not a leader, whilst people tend to like the music I show them they still only catch onto bands that hit the radio’s high rotation list. According to comments in my high school year book people admire that I am my own person yet no one has followed this trend of not creating crowds and trends either.
So as neither a Follower nor a Leader I am simply a Loner, and a Looser, I listen to music you have never heard of, I wear daggy clothes that are comfortable, I play sports that I enjoy, and I can’t convince anyone to come with me to the blood bank or smile at lonely people on public transport. (You make friends and meet crazy people that way, and get snubbed a lot.)
But I have been a follower on occasion, like that time I joined a school band because my friends wanted to, I can be coaxed into doing things for others and with others, sometimes. (The band sucked no one could play anything so we had 5 vocalists.) I also followed the trend of watching ‘family guy’ because it was funny and after I tried it I liked it.
But I have been a leader too. It’s just that I needed other people to follow me, people that other people thought were cool. It was an accident to begin with, but you may have noticed how many people are wearing oddly colored shoelaces these days. Well I am sure I am only one of many people to start this trend but I did. My school shoes were wet so I went to school wearing black shoes because they were the closest colour to the brown school shoes I had at home, because the only colour laces I had that were dark enough to put on black were purple they had purple laces in them. I had worn them before and been told I was weird, but at this time I had a group of girls from school who were obsessed with me, almost stalker like (I don’t know if they were pretending to freak me out or if it was real but) they were like, “that is so cool” “that looks awesome” “how did you think of that” “you’re so cool” etcetera etcetera. And then this trend pops up, because I did what I normally do and I had followers think it was cool. So I learnt that if you want to be a leader it’s easy, all you have to do is be yourself and get some followers to start all your trends, and move them into something bigger beyond yourself.
I am not a follower, I am not religious, I have respect for people who are religious, but I can not attend gathering only because you told me it will be good for me, I can not take peoples word or be part of a crowd, everyone’s doing it means nothing more than a trend to make money from to me.
I am not a leader, whilst people tend to like the music I show them they still only catch onto bands that hit the radio’s high rotation list. According to comments in my high school year book people admire that I am my own person yet no one has followed this trend of not creating crowds and trends either.
So as neither a Follower nor a Leader I am simply a Loner, and a Looser, I listen to music you have never heard of, I wear daggy clothes that are comfortable, I play sports that I enjoy, and I can’t convince anyone to come with me to the blood bank or smile at lonely people on public transport. (You make friends and meet crazy people that way, and get snubbed a lot.)
But I have been a follower on occasion, like that time I joined a school band because my friends wanted to, I can be coaxed into doing things for others and with others, sometimes. (The band sucked no one could play anything so we had 5 vocalists.) I also followed the trend of watching ‘family guy’ because it was funny and after I tried it I liked it.
But I have been a leader too. It’s just that I needed other people to follow me, people that other people thought were cool. It was an accident to begin with, but you may have noticed how many people are wearing oddly colored shoelaces these days. Well I am sure I am only one of many people to start this trend but I did. My school shoes were wet so I went to school wearing black shoes because they were the closest colour to the brown school shoes I had at home, because the only colour laces I had that were dark enough to put on black were purple they had purple laces in them. I had worn them before and been told I was weird, but at this time I had a group of girls from school who were obsessed with me, almost stalker like (I don’t know if they were pretending to freak me out or if it was real but) they were like, “that is so cool” “that looks awesome” “how did you think of that” “you’re so cool” etcetera etcetera. And then this trend pops up, because I did what I normally do and I had followers think it was cool. So I learnt that if you want to be a leader it’s easy, all you have to do is be yourself and get some followers to start all your trends, and move them into something bigger beyond yourself.
Monday, May 12, 2008
AD(H)D
AD(H)D:
Touchy subject this one, there is a question out there as to weather or not it exists. As a dyslexic person I have a few symptoms but do not consider myself to have ADD however I have several friends who do, and trust me after you have a few full length conversations with people who cut themselves off mid-sentence you will no longer wonder weather or not it exists. I Know AD(H)D exists, however I think it is over diagnosed and that medication is normally not needed (perhaps it is in extreme cases) as the people I know who have not been medicated have grown up, annoying the hell out of their parents and failing a lot of theory based school work, but have learnt to control their symptoms to a point where they can manage their life. The people I know who have had medication have on average done much better at school, and that includes friendships, but have not managed to control their hyperactivity or concentration at all once their medication starts running low. I could watch them and tell when it’s wearing off. They bounce around so much that even their peers are freaked out. Oh and for the heads up for parents fizzy drink equals hyper kids even in normal kids, and fruit contains sugar the main source or energy (a healthy sores of energy but an unneeded one in kids who have enough energy.) and for anyone out there who is still asking but what happened to all the people who had it before anyone knew about it. Well they either grew out of it (as some kids still do) or more likely they failed or just scraped through school, got themselves apprentaships or became professional footballers or created their own businesses and put all that extra energy to good use.
So ADD and ADHD are real, but they are not a bad thing just a different thing.
Touchy subject this one, there is a question out there as to weather or not it exists. As a dyslexic person I have a few symptoms but do not consider myself to have ADD however I have several friends who do, and trust me after you have a few full length conversations with people who cut themselves off mid-sentence you will no longer wonder weather or not it exists. I Know AD(H)D exists, however I think it is over diagnosed and that medication is normally not needed (perhaps it is in extreme cases) as the people I know who have not been medicated have grown up, annoying the hell out of their parents and failing a lot of theory based school work, but have learnt to control their symptoms to a point where they can manage their life. The people I know who have had medication have on average done much better at school, and that includes friendships, but have not managed to control their hyperactivity or concentration at all once their medication starts running low. I could watch them and tell when it’s wearing off. They bounce around so much that even their peers are freaked out. Oh and for the heads up for parents fizzy drink equals hyper kids even in normal kids, and fruit contains sugar the main source or energy (a healthy sores of energy but an unneeded one in kids who have enough energy.) and for anyone out there who is still asking but what happened to all the people who had it before anyone knew about it. Well they either grew out of it (as some kids still do) or more likely they failed or just scraped through school, got themselves apprentaships or became professional footballers or created their own businesses and put all that extra energy to good use.
So ADD and ADHD are real, but they are not a bad thing just a different thing.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Dyslexia
Dyslexia: (and the advantages of spell-check)
I am dyslexic (spell-check changed it without asking me) or as I sometimes say Dexlysic, and I was thinking where would I be without spell check, apart from entirely misunderstood. For those of you that tell me “you would have learnt to spell” your wrong. (I prefer writing to typing and I still haven’t learnt besides) I know how to spell most of the words I get wrong. Like the, my computer doesn’t even ask me anymore if I meant to spell ‘the’ or if I meant it when I typed teh, it just changes it for me. This was annoying just then when I wanted to type teh but most of the time it’s useful. Thing is dyslexia and people’s inability to spell is not the only thing that makes us make mistakes when typing, there is a very occasional but amusing mistake I make when typing, of shifting both my hands one key to the left (it would be good for code too.) it makes the last sentence I typed look like this; ur najes rgw Kar awbrwbxw u rtows kiij kujw rgua. (Spell check even changed the capitals from a word it didn’t know taking caps lock off.) Or after I spell check it using the first suggested word it looks like; urn names raw Kari (no spelling suggestions) u rows kin kiwi rogue. But it does not know what I did. Still I only do that when I am very tyred and have had too much caffine.
I am dyslexic (spell-check changed it without asking me) or as I sometimes say Dexlysic, and I was thinking where would I be without spell check, apart from entirely misunderstood. For those of you that tell me “you would have learnt to spell” your wrong. (I prefer writing to typing and I still haven’t learnt besides) I know how to spell most of the words I get wrong. Like the, my computer doesn’t even ask me anymore if I meant to spell ‘the’ or if I meant it when I typed teh, it just changes it for me. This was annoying just then when I wanted to type teh but most of the time it’s useful. Thing is dyslexia and people’s inability to spell is not the only thing that makes us make mistakes when typing, there is a very occasional but amusing mistake I make when typing, of shifting both my hands one key to the left (it would be good for code too.) it makes the last sentence I typed look like this; ur najes rgw Kar awbrwbxw u rtows kiij kujw rgua. (Spell check even changed the capitals from a word it didn’t know taking caps lock off.) Or after I spell check it using the first suggested word it looks like; urn names raw Kari (no spelling suggestions) u rows kin kiwi rogue. But it does not know what I did. Still I only do that when I am very tyred and have had too much caffine.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Writing Blogs
Writing Blogs:
I have a lot of blogs (as do a lot of people judging by the popularity of blog sites) and one thing I have noticed is that when I write them I rarely ever write what I was expecting to, I start the same and then the ideas I had for the middle get side tracked or I think of a better way to say things or I just generally get off topic, for one thing they are never the length I intend them to be I get onto a topic I am somewhat more passionate about than the starting topic and I let it all flow, also I don’t believe I publish them in the order I think I would (I write several at once so that when I have nothing to write I have something to post (I wrote the first 8 blogs of this blog in the one day)), then there is how frequently I post. I had this blog on my computer. Saved in word like this one is. And I decided that I would post one a week because I had three already and I knew I wouldn’t keep up the writing flow enough to post three at once, so I decided that I would pick a day, like Monday, to post my blog every week, so Monday came and I posted the first one, then next Monday came and someone in my house was expecting a phone call, and having dial up that meant I couldn’t post, Tuesday came and I forgot about it completely, Wednesday I was busy, Thursday my dad wanted help receiving an email, so I posted my blog, and then I thought, would Monday next week be too soon? Would Thursday be the day to change it to or should I post one every week never two but at least one on any random day of the week? (I think I will) it doesn’t actually matter at all because I am not popular, chances are nobody even reads my blogs (comment if I am wrong.) and if they do I don’t think they would return to my blog pages on the day especially to see my update. I know I wouldn’t.
Writing blogs is one thing reading them is something different. Although I did enjoy reading the entirety of my myspace blog, mostly because it showed me that I was completely insane, something I hadn’t realized fully until I looked at what I had to say of one day posted next to the next day I had something to say.
I shall have to repost them all on blogger, just for the amusement of a dead but insane unplanned un-topic-ed blog.
P.S. this blog was MUCH longer than I intended it to be. (And might not be worth sharing at all.)
I have a lot of blogs (as do a lot of people judging by the popularity of blog sites) and one thing I have noticed is that when I write them I rarely ever write what I was expecting to, I start the same and then the ideas I had for the middle get side tracked or I think of a better way to say things or I just generally get off topic, for one thing they are never the length I intend them to be I get onto a topic I am somewhat more passionate about than the starting topic and I let it all flow, also I don’t believe I publish them in the order I think I would (I write several at once so that when I have nothing to write I have something to post (I wrote the first 8 blogs of this blog in the one day)), then there is how frequently I post. I had this blog on my computer. Saved in word like this one is. And I decided that I would post one a week because I had three already and I knew I wouldn’t keep up the writing flow enough to post three at once, so I decided that I would pick a day, like Monday, to post my blog every week, so Monday came and I posted the first one, then next Monday came and someone in my house was expecting a phone call, and having dial up that meant I couldn’t post, Tuesday came and I forgot about it completely, Wednesday I was busy, Thursday my dad wanted help receiving an email, so I posted my blog, and then I thought, would Monday next week be too soon? Would Thursday be the day to change it to or should I post one every week never two but at least one on any random day of the week? (I think I will) it doesn’t actually matter at all because I am not popular, chances are nobody even reads my blogs (comment if I am wrong.) and if they do I don’t think they would return to my blog pages on the day especially to see my update. I know I wouldn’t.
Writing blogs is one thing reading them is something different. Although I did enjoy reading the entirety of my myspace blog, mostly because it showed me that I was completely insane, something I hadn’t realized fully until I looked at what I had to say of one day posted next to the next day I had something to say.
I shall have to repost them all on blogger, just for the amusement of a dead but insane unplanned un-topic-ed blog.
P.S. this blog was MUCH longer than I intended it to be. (And might not be worth sharing at all.)
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Days that sweep by as though they never existed:
Days that sweep by as though they never existed:
I thought I would keep this one short. As we tend to forget them, or think of them as just the time between more meaningful times.
I thought I would keep this one short. As we tend to forget them, or think of them as just the time between more meaningful times.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Happiness 1
Happiness (number one because I am sure there will be more):
I am now, happier than I have been in my entire life, this past week has set me up with a few challenges, I have felt both highs and lows, and somehow feel that I have witnessed a great deal of what I have suspected about the world for some time. That is that while we think of joy and despair as two totally separate things at far reaching ends of the spectrum. The world holds them both equally and together. I am aware that this sounds confusing so I will explain myself; I have recently entered into my first serious relationship (late for a reason but well worth the wait and suffering) and one evening this week found out that the night before while I was holding my boyfriend in my arms, my friend was seriously thinking of ending his life. It makes me think (as well as worry for my friend) that at this very instant as you read this, there is someone in the world attempting suicide, there is someone making love, there is someone being molested and someone watching their child’s first steps.
So far this week I alone have; felt fantastic love and loved whilst making love, felt worried for my friend and his life, felt confused to find a friend had stolen a car, felt bored as time passed while nothing happened, felt guilty for unknowingly help steal a car (from a boy who had been hit by a train), felt imaginative as I created my own music to my own song, felt frustrated by my blocked ear, felt out of place as a young friend decided to run away (over 1000 km away) and wanted my directions, felt pain as I ripped open my foot (accidentally), felt loved and cared for as my friends mum bandaged my foot, felt sorrow for a three way love affair in which I care for all the people involved and see no happy ending to, felt elated that I had received a free CD in the mail, felt joy at seeing a text message from my boyfriend, felt relief that my friends were still alive, felt amused at lesser concerns of people older than I, and most of all throughout everything, I have felt a wondrous joy and appreciation that my life is better than I thought it could ever be.
I am now, happier than I have been in my entire life, this past week has set me up with a few challenges, I have felt both highs and lows, and somehow feel that I have witnessed a great deal of what I have suspected about the world for some time. That is that while we think of joy and despair as two totally separate things at far reaching ends of the spectrum. The world holds them both equally and together. I am aware that this sounds confusing so I will explain myself; I have recently entered into my first serious relationship (late for a reason but well worth the wait and suffering) and one evening this week found out that the night before while I was holding my boyfriend in my arms, my friend was seriously thinking of ending his life. It makes me think (as well as worry for my friend) that at this very instant as you read this, there is someone in the world attempting suicide, there is someone making love, there is someone being molested and someone watching their child’s first steps.
So far this week I alone have; felt fantastic love and loved whilst making love, felt worried for my friend and his life, felt confused to find a friend had stolen a car, felt bored as time passed while nothing happened, felt guilty for unknowingly help steal a car (from a boy who had been hit by a train), felt imaginative as I created my own music to my own song, felt frustrated by my blocked ear, felt out of place as a young friend decided to run away (over 1000 km away) and wanted my directions, felt pain as I ripped open my foot (accidentally), felt loved and cared for as my friends mum bandaged my foot, felt sorrow for a three way love affair in which I care for all the people involved and see no happy ending to, felt elated that I had received a free CD in the mail, felt joy at seeing a text message from my boyfriend, felt relief that my friends were still alive, felt amused at lesser concerns of people older than I, and most of all throughout everything, I have felt a wondrous joy and appreciation that my life is better than I thought it could ever be.
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